Thanksgiving Day Post

I would like to give thanks on this day of days.

I am grateful for having a president that makes the bum on the corner seem like a well-adjusted, rational and sympathetic individual. I'd also like to thank the Democrats, specifically Nancy Pelosi, who are already turning on each other like rabid dogs. While I'm at it, I'd like to thank all of the political admakers and pollsters for flooding my television and computer with evil. Election '06 simply wouldn't have been the same if I didn't have to choose between the Pedophiliac Serial Rapist and the Racist, Drug-Addicted Thief.

I'm particularly thankful for hypocritical bastards like Ted Haggard and Mark Foley. We need assholes like you undermining people's faith in the only institutions dedicated to the public good. Before you're done, the only honest American institutions will be strip clubs & massage parlors. Thanks!

While I'm at it, I'm also grateful to the partisans that are attacking the whistle-blowing pages and that male prostitute who reported Pastor Ted's drug-and-gay sex habit to the press. Keep sending those death threats!

And of course, where would we be without train wrecks like Brittany Spears, Tom Cruise or Paris Hilton? I'm grateful to you filth-grubbing stars out there; without you, the American people might have a sense of class. At the very least, they'd need to start living their own lives for a change.

And let's face it: I'm really grateful for the American people. In our obsession with material possessions, in our political apathy, in our shortsighted need to borrow from the future to fill the present with filth and garbage - these are the things that make us great. Keep watching TMZ! And start a riot over some Playstation 3s! Attack evolution, foreigners, free trade and everything else you don't understand! We thank you.

But. While I give thanks for all of this, I am really grateful for one thing above all else. Because despite all the wrongheadedness in America today, I'm thankful that I live here because there's still liberty and valor in this, the home of the brave and the free. I am grateful that I have the freedom to say what I do and believe what I believe. I truly give thanks that I have family and friends who care for me, and that I have family and friends to care for. I'm grateful that there is a future, and that we yet have the freedom to act to make it better.

For all of this, I do give thanks.