Friday, November 10, 2006

Student Groups Demand Freedom From Thought

Salem, OR: Student groups around the nation rallied against opposing viewpoints today, in a series of coordinated demonstrations that Republican-affiliated university organizations found 'chilling'.

According to one bullhorn wielding protester:

"The Student Union demands freedom! We require liberty from being upset by words, images or ideas that oppose or contradict our most cherished beliefs. Reparations for former slaves, the evil of Wal-Mart, the corrupt practices of Starbucks' coffee merchants: these ideals are far too sacred to debate. Censorship is essential in promoting a unified, pacified, and satisfied student body!"
At the Berkeley campus, the students ethics board has introduced the "Pledge of Liberallegiance" and is demanding the ouster of all professors refusing to sign it. Among other demands, it calls for:
  • impeaching President George W. Bush,
  • banning fur within the borders of the United States,
  • ratification of the Kyoto Protocol, the ERA, SALT 2 and the repeal of NAFTA,
  • strangling Rush Limbaugh.

Responding to criticism from ACLU president Nadine Strosser that the new demands stifle 'creative freedom and vigorous debate', masked students recently torched ACLU offices nationwide.


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