Well. So I was a Barack supporter and I'm happy that he won.
On Tuesday, the US Federal Reserve bailed out mortgage giant AIG by taking over the company. To do so, the government agreed to an $85 billion price tag.
Speaker Nancy Pelosi reacted sharply, saying the debt was "just too enormous for the American people to guarantee".
Ach - it's not so much.
We've already spent $100 billion in Iraq this year.
That's like buying a Lexus and then balking when your spouse says 'honey, we need a new washing machine'.
Washington, DC: Sixty-two years ago, Congress voted to withhold veterans benefits from hundreds of thousands of Filipino soldiers who fought in World War II. The Senate voted overwhelmingly Thursday to restore those benefits. After the vote, several senators reportedly grew faint and had to sit down.
Across the nation, US citizens expressed shock and dismay. According to Peoria resident Judy Vimland, "Don't start trying to do the right thing, Senators. You haven't had enough practice."
While some rights groups celebrated news of the pension plan, other activist organizations were subdued, even depressed.
Said lobbyist Jack Arlington, who is advocating US adoption of the Kyoto Protocol, "History tells us that Congress does the right thing once every seven or eight years. We're probably looking at 2015 before we can get a carbon tax and emissions limits in place now."
GW has been frequently mocked for not being very smart. But when you think of it our current president has introduced more terms into the national lexicon than any other president in recent memory. For example:
Then:
FULBRIGHT HINTS U.S. WEIGHS USE OF TROOPS IN ASIA
WASHINGTON, May 4 [1961] -- Senator J.W. Fulbright strongly indicated tonight that the Kennedy Administration was considering the possibility of direct military intervention to counteract Communist threats in South Vietnam and Thailand...
U.S. Plan Widens Role in Training Pakistani Forces in Qaeda Battle
WASHINGTON [March 2, 2008]— The United States military is developing a plan to send about 100 American trainers to work with a Pakistani paramilitary force that is the vanguard in the fight against Al Qaeda and other extremist groups in Pakistan’s restive tribal areas, American military officials said.
How do you keep people interested in politics and the political process over time? People, who never normally discuss politics and actually show no sign of political awareness, have been passionately debating the relative merits of candidates like Barack, Hillary, Ron Paul, etc. And it seems that this happens every four years or so with the presidential election and interest swiftly ebbs thereafter.
It's almost... almost... almost like a sports season! And like all sports nowadays, we need a way to play along.
And so I present an idea: www.fantasypolitics.com. A place where you can go to build your own 'dream team' of politicians!
Don't bother visiting the site - it doesn't exist. Yet.
How would it work? Not sure yet, but I was thinking about 'scoring' pols by the number of times they are mentioned in the news media, or perhaps by more of a 'bowl season' mentality around whether they win their elections.
I think I may be on to something here. Compare the relative time spent by the general public on their fantasy leagues vs. considering the impact of, say, the patriot act.
Whaddya think?
Presidential contests always draw a wide assortment of candidates all the way down to Bill, at the corner of the bar over there. Hi Bill! However this guide is limited to the main actors rather than every Tom, Dick and Harry who had a few half-witted supporters. After all, if Tommy Thompson can't speak coherently for himself, why should I be forced to do so?
The Republicans
Ron Paul: Fan of libertarians and John Birch Society members alike, Ron Paul carried (carries) the standard of classic pragmatic conservatism. It's odd that despite the near-fellatio of Reagan's corpse by every Republican candidate, the candidate most similar to Reagan himself never had a chance. Really, watching Ron Paul campaign is like watching Don Quixote wind up for a go at a field of windmills. Last seen boarding a Greyhound bus headed for Austin.
Rudy Giuliani: Rudy, Rudy, Rudy - what happened? You had all the money and name recognition in the world and you still lost it all. Granted, you didn't have an organization and liberal Republicans have had a snowball's chance in hell since Rockefeller lost the soul of the party to Nixon, but hey. Rudy's loss also goes to show that voters may not mind a few skeletons in a candidate's closet (hi Gennifer!), but when you have enough bodies to start your own corpse baseball team, you may have a problem.
Mike Huckabee: Huckabee is still in the race, God knows why (ha ha). Icon of fundamentalists everywhere, Huck is actually the creation of the Moderate Christian Conservative Die & Stamping Company (MCCD&S Co), located in Ames, Iowa. Despite early momentum, at this point a win by Huckabee would prove the existence of an active, interventionist God. The near-certain defeat of his candidacy may mean that the Republican Party is starting to shake free of the grip of the religionists, but I wouldn't count on it.
Mitt Romney: John Kerry's donkey shaped-double. Who would have thought that a tall, rich former businessman accused of falling on both sides of every issue could fail in a political contest? Oh well. I suppose we should all be thankful that Smitty ran face-first into a wall before the Swift Boat ads started coming out. Surprisingly, Romney's Mormon roots proved to be a non-issue; his other faults and mis-steps caught up with him first.
John McCain: Almost certain to be the Republican nominee. Not sure why McCain isn't more of a darling by the Christian right; after all, his campaign has already come back from the dead once. John McCain is candidate whose major qualification is 'spent several years in a tiger cage'. Hey - he may not have economic expertise, strong organizational capabilities or physical vitality but the man has extensive foreign experience.
The Democrats
John Edwards: Apparently there were three candidates in the democratic primary. Who knew? I kid, John, I kid! Actually, Edwards has been running for president continuously since he first announced his candidacy back in 2002. Heck, he even campaigned for president during that stint as Kerry's vice presidential candidate. Unfortunately for John, after Hillary trumped him on the 'experience' card and Barack stole his 'outsider' thunder, it's no surprise that Johnny boy is still sitting on a ton of 'Edwards for President' banners.
Hillary Clinton: Playing the HD-DVD to the O-Bom's Blu-Ray. Hillary has fought the good fight, but political currents seem to be turning decisively against her. A victory for Hillary would be a win for substance over style because, frankly, Hillary has none of the latter. If Hillary does pull out a hail mary-style win over Obama, it would mean that Americans can accept a female presidential candidate, while a loss means they simply won't elect a bitch.
Barack Obama: the word 'baraka' is Arabic for lucky or 'blessing from God', so maybe Mrs. Obama was on to something here. A win by Barack would be the victory of style over substance because, frankly, Barack doesn't have any of the latter. Now Abraham Lincoln may not have had a lot of national experience before being elected president, but neither did Warren Harding so I'm not sure what's proven there. If you're looking for a president who will deal with problems by making a frowny face and beaming empathy, vote for Barack!
God save the USA.
WASHINGTON - Writer, former presidential candidate and resident whackjob Pat Buchanan thundered against 'cheap, foreign chinese-made citizens'.
"People, haven't we learned enough from the lead paint scare? These reproductions are nothing but cheap chinese knock-offs! We need to ban these imports before they do tremendous and irreparable damage to the body politic."
Consumer groups across the nation expressed concern at Buchanan's recent attacks, noting that eliminating these imports would be blatantly racist, but that 'extensive testing was certainly called for'.
You have to start taking your diplomats' children hostage to ensure they don't defect...
The News: Rival students clash in Lebanon university; one dead.
The Leftist: Oh god, now Bush is going to send troops!
The Neocon: Oh God, now Bush has got to send troops!
The Postmodernist: But how do we know what we mean by 'dead'?
The Islamist: The House of Dar al Islam must stop killing its own.
The Stoner: Awesome - the Clash is playing at Leb U!
Pat Robertson: This was foretold in the Book of Revelation. The Rapture is coming soon!
The French: We oppose the US doing anything. Or nothing.
The Sports Fan: But how does if affect the Bears' playoff chances?
Joe Sixpack: Where is Lebanon, anyway?
According to experts, the thoughtfulness and reflection surrounding Martin Luther King day faded faster than ever this year, with 51% of Americans having forgotten the date of 'MLK Day' by January 17th.
According to Cleveland resident LaWanda Johnson, "You know, I really agree with Dr. King's position on nonviolence, equality and political self-expression. But nowadays his message doesn't speak to our day-to-day worries and needs, like my son Tony, who's in Iraq, and trying to get my daughter Latricia into private school. Public schools around here are a real disaster, you know?"
Other respondents felt the same. Area resident Sam White commented that "We give Martin Luther King one day; we only gave Jesus two days! Jesus goes back in his box by New Year's and it's high time that MLK did the same."
Addis Ababa, Ethiopia: In recent weeks, the Ethiopian government has conducted a lightning war against the Islamic Courts movement that had conquered much of Somalia. With support from the internationally-recognized Somalian transitional government, Ethiopian troops have just ousted all radical fighters from the capital, Mogadishu.
Today, Ethiopian Prime Minister Meles Zenawi announced that the Ethiopian military is set to pull out of Somalia within the next few days. African Union delegates are currently meeting to form a peacekeeping force in support of the fledgling Somalian democracy.
According to sources within the American administration, President Bush has repeatedly contacted the Ethiopians in an attempt to apply the 'African experience' to America's conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq. Allegedly, President Bush keeps asking, "But don't you need a Surge? What about the Surge?"
