Pat Buchanan's War Against Chinese Imports

WASHINGTON - Writer, former presidential candidate and resident whackjob Pat Buchanan thundered against 'cheap, foreign chinese-made citizens'.

"People, haven't we learned enough from the lead paint scare? These reproductions are nothing but cheap chinese knock-offs! We need to ban these imports before they do tremendous and irreparable damage to the body politic."

Consumer groups across the nation expressed concern at Buchanan's recent attacks, noting that eliminating these imports would be blatantly racist, but that 'extensive testing was certainly called for'.