Secret Plans

State Department officials today discussed their 'secret plan' to resolve the latest Mid-East crisis by splitting Syria from Iran with a number of peace proposals.

They also went on to outline their strategy to eliminate North Korea as a threat by destroying their 'nukular reactor' in a 'surprise B12 air strike'. They emphasized that this would be successful only if the North Koreans 'didn't move the warheads first'.

North Korean officials were unavailable for comment.