A Modest Proposal for Preventing Illegal Immigrants in America from Being a Burden to Our Country and for Making Them Beneficial to the Public

It is a melancholy object to those who travel in the country to see the tragic effects that immigration policy has wrought upon our great nation. I have a simple proposal that, if enacted, should meet the needs of the most ardent conservative while matching the requirements of the most passionate liberal.

Immigration poses a grave threat to homeland security via drug smuggling and potential terrorism. We need to make massive investments, including physical barriers, National Guard deployment and coastal monitoring. However, the dynamism of the United States depends on the young motivated workforce that immigration supplies. Therefore, any immigrants that successfully reach our shores should be immediately granted citizenship.

Unfortunately, immigrants pose a grave threat to native job security and wage growth. Knowingly hiring illegal immigrants must be a felony offense! On the other hand, competitive wages keeps manufacturing jobs within our borders; therefore, we need to increase the number of work visas and maintain a strict workplace non-interference policy on the part of immigration officials.

Finally, illegal immigrants drive up the cost of healthcare and education, while providing billions to social security through W2 deductions. As a result it is only right that we deny foreigners access to our schools and hospitals while providing them Medicare and Social Security benefits.

In reality this modest proposal is only a start. More good ideas are needed, especially around enacting specific ‘English-only’ language policies coupled with vigorous bilingual requirements in public services. But this and many others I omit, being studious of brevity. After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion as to reject any offer proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual.