“There was a time in the 20th century when you flashed a Ford badge in Detroit and it meant you were a man on the rise,” Mr. Brinkley said. “Now, the new status symbol of the Rust Belt is they are downsizing people better than other companies are.”
It's a light fixture!
It's a chandelier!
It's a biomechanical demon-spider coming to eat your face!
You make the call.
One has died already. How many more must be sacrificed before Hillary's campaign insanity is halted?
_____________ was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence early Saturday morning after her _____ struck a _____________ on Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles. Police reported that they also found a substance they believe to be _________ at the scene.
____________ and two other non-famous people were involved in the accident. When police responded to a 911 call about the accident, the officers found a "usable amount" of a substance they tentatively identified as _________________. They would not say where the drug was found other than to confirm ___________________.
A spokesman said ___________ — who spent time in a ________________ earlier this year — was driven from the scene in a different car to the hospital to be treated for minor injuries; the status of the other two is unkown and, frankly, nobody cares.
The incident was the ______ car wreck in the past two and a half years for the troubled star. At press time, _______’s publicist had not responded to requests for comment.
Hillary, you've worked the night shift when you go in to work at 8pm on a Sunday (and won't get done until the following day at 8am) after not sleeping all day because it was the one day you and your family were awake at the same time. Going through paperwork at 7pm does not count.
As someone who did shift work for six years, I find that insulting.
I wonder if veterans have the same feeling when they see GWB in a bomber jacket on an aircraft carrier, or if disaster victims feel it when they're in a shelter watching television and a congressman (governor, representative, etc) is wearing a hard hat and frowning at a sea of devastation.
How do you keep people interested in politics and the political process over time? People, who never normally discuss politics and actually show no sign of political awareness, have been passionately debating the relative merits of candidates like Barack, Hillary, Ron Paul, etc. And it seems that this happens every four years or so with the presidential election and interest swiftly ebbs thereafter.
It's almost... almost... almost like a sports season! And like all sports nowadays, we need a way to play along.
And so I present an idea: www.fantasypolitics.com. A place where you can go to build your own 'dream team' of politicians!
Don't bother visiting the site - it doesn't exist. Yet.
How would it work? Not sure yet, but I was thinking about 'scoring' pols by the number of times they are mentioned in the news media, or perhaps by more of a 'bowl season' mentality around whether they win their elections.
I think I may be on to something here. Compare the relative time spent by the general public on their fantasy leagues vs. considering the impact of, say, the patriot act.
Whaddya think?
...US Govt. reports entire tax base now consists of 13 teenagers in Decatur Walmart....
...OJ Simpson hijacks bus, robs passengers...
...Ipods now considered legal tender in continental United States...
...Russian President Medvedev promises reforms of Kremlin, political system...
...Premiere Putin snickers, apologizes, says he remembered funny joke he heard last week...
...OJ Simpson claims innocence in recent bus-jacking incident...
...Bush declares war on Iran, bunny rabbits as final actions as president...
...Hillary Clinton cruelly and with malice accuses Obama of 'inexperience'...
...Obama on record: Hillary Clinton strident, toothless hag...
...OJ Simpson apologizes to nation for 'errors in judgement'...
Presidential contests always draw a wide assortment of candidates all the way down to Bill, at the corner of the bar over there. Hi Bill! However this guide is limited to the main actors rather than every Tom, Dick and Harry who had a few half-witted supporters. After all, if Tommy Thompson can't speak coherently for himself, why should I be forced to do so?
The Republicans
Ron Paul: Fan of libertarians and John Birch Society members alike, Ron Paul carried (carries) the standard of classic pragmatic conservatism. It's odd that despite the near-fellatio of Reagan's corpse by every Republican candidate, the candidate most similar to Reagan himself never had a chance. Really, watching Ron Paul campaign is like watching Don Quixote wind up for a go at a field of windmills. Last seen boarding a Greyhound bus headed for Austin.
Rudy Giuliani: Rudy, Rudy, Rudy - what happened? You had all the money and name recognition in the world and you still lost it all. Granted, you didn't have an organization and liberal Republicans have had a snowball's chance in hell since Rockefeller lost the soul of the party to Nixon, but hey. Rudy's loss also goes to show that voters may not mind a few skeletons in a candidate's closet (hi Gennifer!), but when you have enough bodies to start your own corpse baseball team, you may have a problem.
Mike Huckabee: Huckabee is still in the race, God knows why (ha ha). Icon of fundamentalists everywhere, Huck is actually the creation of the Moderate Christian Conservative Die & Stamping Company (MCCD&S Co), located in Ames, Iowa. Despite early momentum, at this point a win by Huckabee would prove the existence of an active, interventionist God. The near-certain defeat of his candidacy may mean that the Republican Party is starting to shake free of the grip of the religionists, but I wouldn't count on it.
Mitt Romney: John Kerry's donkey shaped-double. Who would have thought that a tall, rich former businessman accused of falling on both sides of every issue could fail in a political contest? Oh well. I suppose we should all be thankful that Smitty ran face-first into a wall before the Swift Boat ads started coming out. Surprisingly, Romney's Mormon roots proved to be a non-issue; his other faults and mis-steps caught up with him first.
John McCain: Almost certain to be the Republican nominee. Not sure why McCain isn't more of a darling by the Christian right; after all, his campaign has already come back from the dead once. John McCain is candidate whose major qualification is 'spent several years in a tiger cage'. Hey - he may not have economic expertise, strong organizational capabilities or physical vitality but the man has extensive foreign experience.
The Democrats
John Edwards: Apparently there were three candidates in the democratic primary. Who knew? I kid, John, I kid! Actually, Edwards has been running for president continuously since he first announced his candidacy back in 2002. Heck, he even campaigned for president during that stint as Kerry's vice presidential candidate. Unfortunately for John, after Hillary trumped him on the 'experience' card and Barack stole his 'outsider' thunder, it's no surprise that Johnny boy is still sitting on a ton of 'Edwards for President' banners.
Hillary Clinton: Playing the HD-DVD to the O-Bom's Blu-Ray. Hillary has fought the good fight, but political currents seem to be turning decisively against her. A victory for Hillary would be a win for substance over style because, frankly, Hillary has none of the latter. If Hillary does pull out a hail mary-style win over Obama, it would mean that Americans can accept a female presidential candidate, while a loss means they simply won't elect a bitch.
Barack Obama: the word 'baraka' is Arabic for lucky or 'blessing from God', so maybe Mrs. Obama was on to something here. A win by Barack would be the victory of style over substance because, frankly, Barack doesn't have any of the latter. Now Abraham Lincoln may not have had a lot of national experience before being elected president, but neither did Warren Harding so I'm not sure what's proven there. If you're looking for a president who will deal with problems by making a frowny face and beaming empathy, vote for Barack!
God save the USA.
Define: irony.
Consuming products containing artificial sweeteners in an effort to avoid caloric consumption and lose weight. However, due to an unknown metabolic effect, this results in increased hunger and a lower rate of burning calories.
Translation: It makes you fat!
Conclusion: Consuming exotic food additives may have unknown, unintended and unhealthy consequences for consumers.
You probably think I'm joking. However, this comes straight from an article at the Economist magazine and they think putting a pinch of salt in someone's cup during high tea is the apex of comedy.
Translation: they're pretty damn serious.
Now people have one more excuse for their bad behavior.
Bernie, why'd you wolf down the whole chocolate cake?So kiss your artificial sweeteners goodbye. Or not, and simply keep shoving the stuff down your maw.
Sorry Tom, it was the Splenda made me do it!
(Thanks, Paula Cole)
Oh you get me ready in your 56 chevy
Why dont we sit down in front of the tube
And look for 'NO MONEY DOWN!'
The tv sun scorching,
Like a fresh foreclosure listing
I'll search the listings if you call the bank
Where is my john wayne
Where is my prairie son
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the real estate infomercials gone
Why dont you stay the evening
Kick back and watch Carleton Sheets
And Ill fix a little something to eat
Oh I know your back hurts from walking on new hardwood floors
How do you take your coffee my sweet
I will finance our first condo if you pay all the bills
Where is my john wayne
Where is my prairie son
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the real estate infomericals gone
I am wearing my new sweatpants today
But you dont even notice me
Say our goodbyes
Say our goodbyes
Say our goodbyes
We finally flipped the condo
When we marked it down 20%
And you took that job in tennessee...
Where is my john wayne
Where is my prairie son
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the real estate infomericals gone
Do you believe that the big pharmaceutical industry doesn't care whether you are sick or well? You're probably worth more alive and sick rather than healthy! In fact, you'd really be better off living in a rural Amazonian village of rude mud huts relying on homeopathic cures and natural medicine rather than be caught in the fist of Big Pharma. If you agree, then More Natural Cures Revealed is the book for you.
This 'treasure trove' of medical 'secrets' contains many mind-blowing cures, remedies and nostrums that the medical companies and your doctor don't want you to know.
As a service to you, dear reader, we'll offer you a sneak peak at one of these astonishing medical 'secrets':
It is also important to note that a common ailment in people who are sick is Lyme disease. Lyme disease is very rarely diagnosed properly. People who have symptoms of MS, Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, etc. are never diagnosed as having Lyme Disease. Lyme disease is prevalent in person after person after person. The percentage is outrageously high to the point of being epidemic. If you are sick I would highly encourage you to check to see if you have Lyme Disease...
Yes, this is exactly the kind of fact-based incisively distilled medical 'wisdom' that you can expect lunging all over this book. Why you can't avoid it even if you want to!
And there is absolutely no fear-mongering here - it's all the straight truth, folks.
If you're still interested in this fine book of medical 'secrets', then I certainly can't stop you from buying it. If you're not sure you may want to hold off as I'm sure you'll be able to find copies in your local thrift shop or used book store very, very soon.
Seriously. Stealing a manhole cover is one thing. Deplorable, yes, shortsighted yes, but understandable. Pull up three and you have enough money to get drunk for a weekend. But this?
LONDON (Reuters) - Police in central England are hunting for a badly scorched would-be copper power cable thief after finding a hacksaw embedded in an 11,000 volt power cable Saturday night.The thief apparently also left a lit blowtorch at the scene. If he died on the spot, would the power company have been liable? More importantly, do you think a picture of the hacksaw is already hanging up on somebody's wall?
"The sheer stupidity of cutting through power cables should be glaringly obvious to everyone," said Phil Wilson, customer operations manager with local power company Central Networks.Well, apparently not. We'll probably have to post additional warning labels somewhere.
"At the very least putting the hacksaw through the cable would have created an almighty bang and the line would have burned for quite a few seconds, showering them with molten copper... We can only assume they left in a great hurry or they were injured and were dragged away by an accomplice."You know what they say: "friends help you move; real friends haul away your corpse after you've been fried by an 11,000 volt mainline".
