This Is Why Radio Is A Dying Medium

Overheard during a morning "talk/music" program.

Host: So Madonna is meeting with film executives: she wants to re-make the movie Casablanca [pronounced "cassa-blankuh"].

Dude: Oh God, no!

Host: Yeah, except she wants to place the movie in a modern war zone. Iraq.

Gal: I hate Madonna. She is, like, you know, so self-involved.

Dude: Where was the movie set originally?

Host: Uh, Casablanca. Cassa-blankuh

Gal: That's why I never saw Evita!

Dude: Oh.

Dude: Uh, where is Casablanca?

Host: Oh Casablanca Cassa-blankuh that's, like, Europe.

Dude: Europe?

Gal: Oh I loved that movie, but it's been, like, so long since I've seen it...

Host: Yeah. It's not Spain... Uh-

*click*

Study Shows Women Are From Venus, Men Clueless

The following is from the abstract of a study due to be published in the April '08 edition of Psychological Science. Researchers studied the differences between men and women being able to differentiate female sexual advances, normal friendliness, normal sadness and rejection.

According to the study,

"gender differences were captured by a relative perceptual insensitivity among men. Just as in previous studies, men were more likely than women to misperceive friendliness as sexual interest, but they also were quite likely to misperceive sexual interest as friendliness."

Science has successfully proven, yet again, that men have no idea what women are thinking.

Men seem to make these decisions based on clothing - they are more likely to perceive that women dressed provocatively are displaying sexual interest when they are not. They are also less likely to perceive that a women is flirting when she is dressed conservatively (the researchers cut a picture of Margaret Thatcher from an old lad mag).

Women, on the other hand, were more likely to correctly perceive sexual interest regardless of clothing style. In other words, it's not that men are always more likely to assume that women are flirting; rather, men and women may be responding to different sets of cues.

The bottom line?
Gals: men are crude and clueless. You need to be direct and to the point with us.
Guys: face it, we're clueless. When you want to flirt with someone, bring along another gal as your wingman. Have her clue you in to what's really going on. And watch out for those Margaret Thatcher types; underneath that frumpy red dress might be their 'dating bloomers'.

You never know.

I Would Be A Cheap Fortune Teller Indeed

...if I were to prognosticate some of today's headlines:

"Democrats, Republicans Differ on Whom Economic Aid Should Help"

"Violence Grips Iraq"

"North Korea Test-Fires Missiles"

"Critics Cite Fraud In Zimbabwe"

"Palestinians Fear Marginalization"

You could find the same stories in the NY Times last week. Or last month. Or last year.

In fact, you could go back 100 years and find much the same headlines, except you'd find articles about Teddy Roosevelt shooting large quadrupeds instead of Cheney shooting bipeds. And they call this progress!

Don't Be a Hater

FOXNews.com is headlining the following story:

"U.S. Based Revolution Muslim Website Spreading Messages of Hate"

So does Pat Robertson.

"Outspoken US Christian evangelical broadcaster Pat Robertson has accused Muslims of planning world domination, and said some were "satanic".

Is turnabout fair play only when they're not turning on you?

The Ten-Year Itch

The Savings and Loan Crisis: 1986-1988. Ultimate cost $160 billion. More than 1,000 S&Ls failed, forcing a massive taxpayer bailout.

The Collapse of Long-Term Capital Management: 1998. Ultimate cost only $3.6 billion, but it did nearly pull down the global financial system.

The Credit Crisis [Name Pending]: 2007-2008. Ultimate cost - well, we're not sure yet (and that's part of the problem), but at least $197 billion ($168 billion in tax rebates and another $29 billion on the Bear Stearns bailout).

The US taxpayer is either stupid or pretty damn forgetful, that much is clear.

We pay financiers top dollar to stick our money in ultra-risky investments, then we bail them out when it all falls apart.

Moral hazard, anyone?

Beware Of Hackers Wearing Ski Masks!

At least I think that's what Pandasoft is trying to tell us.


The image of a leather-clad ski-masked man sitting in a dark room while using the internet suggests several possibilities, none of which includes the concept 'hacking', unless thats what kids are calling it nowadays.

Regardless, I get the message: beware!

UW Badgers Basketball Postgame Postcript

From before the game:

"It's kind of like the old Green Bay Packers sweep,'' [Illinois coach Bruce] Weber said of Wisconsin's deliberate style. "You know what's coming. Can you stop it?''

The verdict: no. Not today. Go Badgers!

The Jail That Can Hold Him Hasn't Been Built

I bet you thought this post was going to be about Elliot Spitzer. Well, we here At the Tap are taking the high road on that story; after all, they jail the hooker not the john. That's called 'justice'.

No, instead we're highlighting the sad story of Salvatore Ferranti, a convicted Italian mafioso, who is being sent to house arrest because he's too fat.

From the story:

Guards at the first two prisons said they constantly needed to help Ferranti, 36, get dressed and undressed, move about and go to the bathroom.

I wonder if he tried to "make a break for it" when they came to arrest him?

If All Ads Were Like Political Ads...

At Coca Cola, we have a history over one hundred years old of providing a great-tasting beverage that generations of Americans have enjoyed. But at Coke, we're about more than just serving up soda.

We're about providing good American jobs, to Americans, and helping to build the American dream and the American economy. After all, we're as American as apple pie.

If you choose to drink Coke, we promise to continue this great soda-making legacy so that your children, and their children's children will have lots of fizzy brown liquid to drink. After all, we're just like you. Heck, we've worked the night shift too.

And unlike some of our beverage industry competitors, we don't believe in producing a cut-rate pop that sickens and poisons our consumers. No, we believe in producing a top-quality chilled beverage option that you can enjoy just about anywhere.

My name is Muhtar Kent, and I approve this message.



[Paid for Americans who love Americans that Drink Coke.]

Bush's Legacy As a Statesman and Teacher

GW has been frequently mocked for not being very smart. But when you think of it our current president has introduced more terms into the national lexicon than any other president in recent memory. For example:

• Rendition
• Subprime
• Hanging chad
  
• Unfunded mandates
• Foreign combatants
• Waterboarding
• SIV
• Axis of Evil
• Coalition of the Willing
• Strategery
• Warrantless surveillance
• Preventative war
• Nucular
• Unilateralism

And he's also bringing back some classic terms that haven't come up much in recent decades:

• Stagflation
• Quagmire
• Executive Privilege
• National Debt
• Soup kitchens

Now that's what I call a legacy. Can you think of some more?

Human Smoke: The Beginnings of World War II, the End of Civilization

Due diligence: I have not read this book. I'm actually taking standard industry practice and commenting on a work based on the comments made by someone who (might have) read it.

From VSL:

Baker questions the necessity of WWII (and all wars) by portraying the key good guys in a viciously harsh light — in his depiction, Winston Churchill wasn’t a grand heroic figure at all, and he and FDR were the original bring-it-on cowboys, who forced needless suffering on millions of European civilians. A Gandhian pacifism, Baker suggests, would have been the correct response to the Third Reich.

Beyond its profoundly revisionist central arguments, Human Smoke pioneers a fresh mode of serious nonfiction: It consists of hundreds of freestanding information nuggets arranged in strictly chronological order, chosen carefully (and tendentiously) to make his argument...

I dunno. I'm not a smart man, but I reckon that if I looked hard enough I could find enough slices of history to justify anything.

However, I'm torn because I don't know if Human Smoke is more or less distorted than the average history; at least it's 'honestly' slanted in the same sense that 'honest' politicians, when bought, stay bought.

Beware Silent Evidence

I don't ever remember seeing female mafiosi being arrested or on perp walks.

I wonder if it's A), because they don't exist or B), because they're smart enough not to get caught.

Hrmm..

Haven't We Played This Record Before?

Then:

FULBRIGHT HINTS U.S. WEIGHS USE OF TROOPS IN ASIA

WASHINGTON, May 4 [1961] -- Senator J.W. Fulbright strongly indicated tonight that the Kennedy Administration was considering the possibility of direct military intervention to counteract Communist threats in South Vietnam and Thailand...

Now:

U.S. Plan Widens Role in Training Pakistani Forces in Qaeda Battle

WASHINGTON [March 2, 2008]— The United States military is developing a plan to send about 100 American trainers to work with a Pakistani paramilitary force that is the vanguard in the fight against Al Qaeda and other extremist groups in Pakistan’s restive tribal areas, American military officials said.

Do Dogs Dream of Vegetables & Grains?

I'd like to point out something wrong with this ad. I disagree with its main contention: this advertisement is not about dog food, nor does it treat with dogs.

Folks, I kept dogs for many years and I've been around them all my life and I happen to know that dogs would be much happier nosing into a big steaming pile of animal byproducts than they would "wholesome whole grains" or "garden veggies and fruit".

If your canine companion can't survive without designer pet food or customized nutritional supplements then what you have isn't a dog it's an accessory.

So, as a favor to us actual dog lovers out there please refrain from calling Fluffy or Mr. Pebbles by the name 'dog' in the future. Thank you.

The irony? This ad is actually from the back cover of the latest edition of National Geographic. The lead story is "Inside Animal Minds". Somehow I doubt that vegetable dog food will make the cut.