I Like My Mixed Messages Shaken, Not Stirred

In my opinion, they really should have put the Back to School Candy display next to a rack of malt liquor or, at least, Boone's Farm if the store really wanted to increase sales.

You Say Tomato, I Say ... Potato?

All of us have different histories and experiences. This can lead to two people looking at the same situation with vastly different ideas of what is going on. Generally, this remains hidden. However, occasionally we are reminded of this perceptual gulf.

Situation #1:

HER: (eating a salad)

ME: You know, I like to throw a fresh basil leaf in my salads.

HER: Oh, I don't think I could do that. Eating a whole leaf just sounds too weird.

ME: But...you're eating a salad.

HER: So?

ME: Uh...never mind.

Situation #2:

HER: (of a certain age) I don't understand why 60 Minutes can't start at the same time all year long. It seems like the show starts late every other week in the fall.

ME: But what happens if a football game runs long?

HER: Football game?

ME: Uh...never mind.

Situation #3:

HIM: You know, I think he should have tried running for the first down.

ME: Why?

HIM: Well, he made a couple of other good runs with his legs.

ME: As opposed to his... ?

HIM: What?

ME: Uh...never mind.

I'm Still Alive

If you don't swim in the same circles I do, imagine if HAL had a decent singing voice (and my bet is that he'd have a pretty good baritone). The result would be the ditty below.

It's pretty catchy too.

Fed Rescues AIG

On Tuesday, the US Federal Reserve bailed out mortgage giant AIG by taking over the company. To do so, the government agreed to an $85 billion price tag.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi reacted sharply, saying the debt was "just too enormous for the American people to guarantee".

Ach - it's not so much.

We've already spent $100 billion in Iraq this year.

That's like buying a Lexus and then balking when your spouse says 'honey, we need a new washing machine'.

Sometimes Life Doesn't Imitate Art

Thanks heavens, er, it's over.

And Here I Was Worried About a Scam

I just received an email from a Ms. Claudia Coulter from the Fondazione Di Vittorio (in English: "Winner's Foundation", or maybe "Victor's Redbrick Palace"). Apparently I am the winner of $300,000 (in English: "Three Hundred Thousands dollar". Woo hoo!

. . .

Uh oh. I just did a Google search for Fondazione Di Vittorio, and consumerfraudreporting.com has a story on a scam from this group. This may not be legit!

. . .

Oh, wait. According to the web page, the scam involves emails sent by a Mr. Sparo Malcolm.

Whew - my email is from the Ms. (obviously trustworthy) Claudia Coulter. I'm in the clear. I'll see you shortly, $300,000 richer!

Beware the Flying Cholitas!

The newest sensation in the world of Bolivian lucha libre (think "high-flying masked wrestlers in scripted matches") is cholita wrestling (think "young ladies in peasant skirts, bowler hats and shawls). Cholita lucha libre may seem like a contradiction in terms. I assure you it is not, and it is becoming quite popular.

From a National Geographic article on the subject:

Why go?

"It's a distraction." [explains Senora Cancina] "The cholitas fight here and we laugh and forget our troulbes for three or four hours. At home, we're sad."

Would you have liked to be a wrestler too?

Definitely. "Our husbands make fools of us, but if we were wrestlers we could express our fury."

Somewhere in a suburb of La Paz there is a husband that's wearing a frying pan right now, I'm sure of it.

Do You Think He'll Pitch Enzyte Behind Bars?

Remember Smilin' Bob, the spokesperson for the 'male enhancement' drug Enzyte?

Of course you do:


Apparently his "smilin'" days are over. Steven Washak, the CEO of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, was just convicted of conspiracy and other charges related to selling bogus products.

Among the company's most egregious offenses, Berkeley's "if you're not satisfied, return it for a full refund" required a Notarized statement from a doctor certifying that the consumer had a small penis.

Remarkably, few buyers availed themselves of the cashback offer.

Ray Bradbury - 88 and Going Strong

Born August 22, 1920. One of the giants. Good show, Ray.

Stand and Deliver

One of the most beautiful August Sundays seen in these parts. Did you enjoy it?

What a Rack!

It's my Dad's - since been mounted and hanging on the wall at the family homestead.

For those of you who subscribe to my blog via RSS: GOTCHA!

Maybe I'll Just Use Parsley

I do most of my grocery shopping on the way home from work. It's convenient and keeps me from making an extra trip. However, I've noticed that I tend to run lots of small errands on the weekend. In order to help manage my gasoline and grocery bills, I've decided to run errands on the weekend on my bike whenever possible.

Since the nearest grocery store is 6 miles away, I think this will really cut down on unnecessary expenses.

"Cilantro? Maybe I'll just use parsley..."

Lis Friemoth, The Garden Hoe, Can Help You!

Just in case you think I'm making this up. Note the text highlighted below.



Maybe it's me.

When In Doubt, Grab Your Shotgun

Because you never know: hordes of undead may be stalking you right now without you even knowing it.

And an ounce of preparation is worth a LOT of shells.

Political Commentary by YT

Handicapping the Presidential Sweepstakes:

Obama. I hear he's black. No, really! It says something about the sea change in America's political culture when we're more concerned with the religious orientation of a candidate's antecedents than with their race or place of birth. I'm sure this is a sign of progress. Obama doesn't strike me as a particularly strong candidate right now, mainly because I haven't seen a tremendous amount of substance or experience. On the other hand, he's shown unexpected resilience thus far, he's high on the likeability quotient, and Obama emotes Hope and Vision. And he's got really white teeth. I think his candidacy will only get stronger in time.

McCain. The GOP hates Johnny. What else can explain it? The party finally lets McCain have the nomination when the economy is drifting south, we're trapped in some nasty foreign adventures and food and energy prices are through the roof. And it's all under the watch of the least-liked Republican president since...ever? But they needed some goat to stake out for the lions.

Unfortunately, his most effective campaign strategy is that of a reformer but you can't really run as the reform candidate against your own party's president. I think he attacks Obama at his own great risk as well.

Do you hate those 'Obama is a rockstar' commercials as much as I do? The Republicans are really saying 'Hey, we know Obama is popular. Everyone seems to like the guy. You people are idiots.' Having the octogeniarian political candidate kick the voters' favorite puppy isn't exactly going to win you many votes come election day.

As an aside: The Clintons must be ready to eat their own livers right now. If Hillary hadn't run the worst major Democratic election campaign since Dukakis, she might well have the nomination and be the odds-on favorite to win the presidency.

A Seven Letter Word For Moron

Ever watch Jeopardy and dominate the contestants only to realize at the end that you've been watching the Teen Tournament?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Nuts!


...

Some Things Can Be Taken For Granted

An American tourist is brutally attacked and murdered at a noted Chinese destination, the Drum Tower.

An American couple is visiting China to see the Olympics. The Husband hears of the attack and chooses not to tell his wife in order not to "worry her".

The Wife hears of the killing while visiting the Drum Tower during a BBC interview. She also learns that Husband already knew of the attacks, as well as separate terrorist bombings in the northwest.

The Husband isn't mentioned in the interview. Presumably, he's preparing to die as soon as the reporters are out of earshot.

Well I Guess They Had to Go With What Works

Game design at Microsoft.
Ads by Google.

Take the Challenge!

Find a meadow, preferably one that's at least an acre in size. Not sure where to find one? Idle housing projects are a good place to look.

Look for something like this:













Once you've found your meadow, stand on the downwind edge. Take out the Ipod earbuds. Listen. Take a few deep breaths.

Next, find yourself a really big lawn. Completed housing projects are a good place to look. Stand on the downwind edge of your chosen lawn and repeat.

You tell me which spread is beautiful and alive, and which one is sterile monoculture.

Would You Pair Red or White With That?

When I was growing up, I remember seeing ads for my favorite jackals, Habush, Habush and Davis.

Later, the advertisements were for Habush, Habush, Davis and Rottier.

Later yet, the spots simply named Habush, Habush and Rottier - and so it stands today.

...

So, what happened to Davis?

Personally, I think Rottier ate him.