Village Downsizes Witch

Kensington, CT: Village president Dave Grohl announced today that it would be terminating its long-standing arrangement with area hag and witch, Dorothea Barton. According to Mr. Grohl, changing attitudes were ultimately responsible for the shift.

"With the culture today of 'hooking up' at the expense romance and true love, the market for love potions and charms is way down. And, according to Dorotea, between global warming and el nino, she can hardly call up a rain squall anymore.

"Well, that just leaves us the 'hexes-and-evil-eyes' bit and, frankly, since the battery plant up and left for Mexico, we already have more of that than than we need."

Nationally, the demand for supernatural services has been in slow decline for more than a dozen years. Analysts point to changing tastes in the occult; while fortune telling has seen only a slight erosion in popularity, other forms of black magic like satanism and witchery have simply 'dropped off the map'.

Spokesmen for the crone expressed sadness at the recent decision with the hope that the council might reconsider. Villagers, however, say that they have reached consensus and plan on giving Widder Barton a 'traditional Connecticut send-off'.