It's All In the Fine Print

* Not really free. It's sort of 'free to be free'. 'Free' in the sense of not being without cost. Yeah.
** Well, it's free if you don't mind spending four hours signing up for credit cards, secret shopper offers and spam email. Oh, and your credit card number too. We won't use it; trust us, it's for 'verification purposes only'.
*** Come to think of it, why don't you sign up for our credit-monitoring service? It's really good; we'll make sure all of those scam artists out there don't take advantage of you. Why, my aunt Martha was really taken advantage of by some jerk who got her credit card number and sold it at www.thepiratebay.com for what was really chump change when you get right down to it and Martha isn't all that wealthy and now she's got bad credit and needs a new car and groceries and a pacemaker.
****Shipping extra.