I Think They Might Be On To Something Here!

Newspapers on the Internet is a crazy idea but it just might work...

If Ovid Listened To His Parents, He Would Have Been An Etrurian Accountant

And he wouldn't have died alone in Hungarian exile.  But he wouldn't have written Ars Amatoria, either.

The more things change the more they stay the same:

Ovid: Dad, I want to become a poet!

Ovid's Father: Homer died poor, son.  Have you thought about accountancy?

I wonder if Ovid would have done it over again if he'd had a second chance?

Monster Manual Comix: Troll

If you have never been to Bad Gods, it's time you checked it out (at least, if your humor tends to the geeky side of life). I don't want to spoil the ending, so here's the setup:

Click here to see the rest.

More Words of Advice

When you next visit your local supermarket and you see an employee at a booth talking about a new dog food product, don't ask for a free taste test.

You get an awful dirty look.

An Abomination by Sting (Roxanne)

Microsoft Songsmith is a program that automatically builds musical accompaniment to any vocal tune.  Here is the classic Sting song Roxanne a la Songsmith...



Personally I think it loses something in translation.

Words of Advice

Never confuse the words 'diuretic' and 'emetic'.

Encomium GWB

It just seemed appropriate:

How to Protect Yourself from Yourself, E-Version

You can tell that 'gmail' (Google's version of email) has been written by and for young adults.

I missed this the first time around, but last October Google implemented a feature called 'Mail Goggles' that "will check that you're really sure you want to send that late night Friday email. And what better way to check than by making you solve a few simple math problems after you click send to verify you're in the right state of mind?"

That's right: if you're not in a "state of mind" capable of subtracting 43 from 62, you won't be able to send that righteous email to all your co-workers, friends and family.

Come to think of it...that's not a bad idea...hrm.

Beware Curmudgeons

To everyone who's said "winters nowadays aren't like when I was a kid", well:

To hell with you!

Kindergarten Student Steals Car & Blames Grand Theft Auto

Perhaps we should clarify the headline first.  According to a news article: 

The six-year-old Virginia tyke didn't actually blame Grand Theft Auto for the car heist, but did tell authorities afterwards that the game taught him how to drive. Early Monday morning, the little guy hopped into his parents' Ford Taurus instead of taking the big yellow bus, and managed to drive it a surprising six miles before slipping over an embankment into a utility pole not far from school.

No word yet on the (probably inevitable) lawsuits.  I do wonder why the kid's parents allowed him to play a game described as being "all about maintaining your street cred as a criminal. The local crime bosses send you out on missions ranging from carjacking to kidnapping to drug running..."

Perhaps we should all be thankful he wasn't playing 1943.

"Design" Won't Save the World

It's as good a time as any (and better than most) to re-evaluate how we contribute to society. (thanks to QBN)

Geat Stories (As Written By George W Bush)

Ok, so the Reign of Terror is almost over - but that just means I gotta get my last parting shot in.  

So, for your enjoyment here are ten great books with titles as if written by George W. Bush (real titles below).  See if you can guess them all!

10.  Rove's Ministry of Truth

9. Don't Drink the Wine

8. Didn't They Have Tanks?

7. She's a Hoor!

6. The Great Buchanans

5. I Don't Know What This Is, But It Ain't English

4. Death's A-Comin' For Ya

3. Big Sharks What're Gonna Eat Ya

2. Jesus Never Told Me He Fooled Around

1. The Most Important Book of the 20th Century

...

10. 1984

9. The Cask of Amontillado

8. All Quiet on the Western Front

7. The Scarlet Letter

6. The Great Gatsby

5. Ulysses

4. Appointment in Samarra

3. Jaws

2. The Da Vinci Code

1. Left Behind

A Touch of Irony for a Tuesday

The Statue of Freedom, which crowns the dome of the US capitol, was originally cast by a slave named Philip Reid.

Do you think the owners bothered to tell him what he was working on?

It all worked out in the end though: the Civil War wrapped up a little over a year later and Reid was granted his freedom.

But Do They Have A Merit Badge In 'Girls'?

As reported by those nice folks at All Things Considered:

"Shawn Goldsmith has accomplished a rare feat for a Boy Scout — he earned all 121 merit badges available. You only need 21 to get the title "Eagle" Scout. "If I run into a stranger, there's definitely something to talk about. I have 121 topics to talk about," he says when asked why he did it."

Impressive and laudable or obsessive and weird? You make the call!

"Vikings think they are built for a deep playoff run"

So how'd that work out for ya, anyway?

Oh, right!

An Antidote to Bad News

When you just need to wipe blood from your mouth, grab that beer bottle and start swinging...

Blog Redux: On The Elements of Being Out Of Style

Originally posted 4/19/06.

I was cleaning out my closet yesterday when I realized how out of fashion I am. Thank heaven that men's styles change slowly because I have no compulsion to buy new clothes until the shirts and pants that I already have wear out. The more I thought about it, the further I think I am from "it". In fact, the light from "it" will take several years to reach me.

This state of unfashionableness (stylelessness? unfashionitude? gauche-ocity?) extends to other areas too. I am so out of style that I'm not proud to be either a metrosexual or againstmetrosexuality. In fact, I'm vauely embarrassed that I know what a metroxsexual is. I'm so out of fashion that I wish people would stop obsessing about labelling what people do and pay more attention to who they are.

I'm so out of style that I don't have a gym in which to see and be seen. I do have a set of free weights and a pair of running shoes that see regular use that I bought on discount at Kmart.

I'm so unfashionable that I wish city blocks were still laid out in nice regular rectilinear shapes so that you could actually find the house you're looking for, not these damned organic-looking cloverleaves designed so that John Q. Developer can squeeze one more McMansion in on the corner.

I'm so out of style that I really really hate those answering machine messages that aren't messages but cute little songs or, worse yet, actual songs that some moron recorded off the radio. I really don't need 50-Cent's advice on clubbing just to let a buddy know when to come in to work.

I'm so out of style that this whole reality tv craze has simply passed me by. I can't remember the last time I danced with the stars, tricycled across the sahara or had to ginsu fugu with a dull butterknife. Mostly I think it's stupid. Occasionally I think "this too shall pass". More to the point, I despise this fascination with personal degradation and humiliation.

I mean, the reality of "reality television" isn't about the contest or the characters; no, it's about the desire to see the worst types of petty human behavior imaginible. We don't really thrill to listen to Clay Aiken or Carrie Underwood but to see and hear the legions of talentless bellowing harpies. 'Skating with Celebreties' is at least as much about seeing stars hit the ice as watching them soar above it. I mean really - why did you watch 'The Simple Life'? Was it to see a diverse and fascinating cross section of middle america...or to see two rich bitches slumming through hicktown humiliating themselves and everyone they met?

Oh well. Style has a way of coming around. Bell bottoms are back in. We're 'keeping all options on the table' to prevent a middle east country from getting WMD. David Hasselhoff will once more star on Baywatch. Maybe, just maybe, if I wait long enough things'll come back my way and the things I like will be back in style again.

On the other hand, 'dead as Dillinger' has a certain truth too.

Honoring the New Year in the Proper Style of Gentlemen

Since Grumps rang out 2008 so well, I wanted to kick off 2009 appropriately.