I Like My Mixed Messages Shaken, Not Stirred

In my opinion, they really should have put the Back to School Candy display next to a rack of malt liquor or, at least, Boone's Farm if the store really wanted to increase sales.

You Say Tomato, I Say ... Potato?

All of us have different histories and experiences. This can lead to two people looking at the same situation with vastly different ideas of what is going on. Generally, this remains hidden. However, occasionally we are reminded of this perceptual gulf.

Situation #1:

HER: (eating a salad)

ME: You know, I like to throw a fresh basil leaf in my salads.

HER: Oh, I don't think I could do that. Eating a whole leaf just sounds too weird.

ME: But...you're eating a salad.

HER: So?

ME: Uh...never mind.

Situation #2:

HER: (of a certain age) I don't understand why 60 Minutes can't start at the same time all year long. It seems like the show starts late every other week in the fall.

ME: But what happens if a football game runs long?

HER: Football game?

ME: Uh...never mind.

Situation #3:

HIM: You know, I think he should have tried running for the first down.

ME: Why?

HIM: Well, he made a couple of other good runs with his legs.

ME: As opposed to his... ?

HIM: What?

ME: Uh...never mind.

I'm Still Alive

If you don't swim in the same circles I do, imagine if HAL had a decent singing voice (and my bet is that he'd have a pretty good baritone). The result would be the ditty below.

It's pretty catchy too.

Fed Rescues AIG

On Tuesday, the US Federal Reserve bailed out mortgage giant AIG by taking over the company. To do so, the government agreed to an $85 billion price tag.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi reacted sharply, saying the debt was "just too enormous for the American people to guarantee".

Ach - it's not so much.

We've already spent $100 billion in Iraq this year.

That's like buying a Lexus and then balking when your spouse says 'honey, we need a new washing machine'.

Sometimes Life Doesn't Imitate Art

Thanks heavens, er, it's over.

And Here I Was Worried About a Scam

I just received an email from a Ms. Claudia Coulter from the Fondazione Di Vittorio (in English: "Winner's Foundation", or maybe "Victor's Redbrick Palace"). Apparently I am the winner of $300,000 (in English: "Three Hundred Thousands dollar". Woo hoo!

. . .

Uh oh. I just did a Google search for Fondazione Di Vittorio, and consumerfraudreporting.com has a story on a scam from this group. This may not be legit!

. . .

Oh, wait. According to the web page, the scam involves emails sent by a Mr. Sparo Malcolm.

Whew - my email is from the Ms. (obviously trustworthy) Claudia Coulter. I'm in the clear. I'll see you shortly, $300,000 richer!

Beware the Flying Cholitas!

The newest sensation in the world of Bolivian lucha libre (think "high-flying masked wrestlers in scripted matches") is cholita wrestling (think "young ladies in peasant skirts, bowler hats and shawls). Cholita lucha libre may seem like a contradiction in terms. I assure you it is not, and it is becoming quite popular.

From a National Geographic article on the subject:

Why go?

"It's a distraction." [explains Senora Cancina] "The cholitas fight here and we laugh and forget our troulbes for three or four hours. At home, we're sad."

Would you have liked to be a wrestler too?

Definitely. "Our husbands make fools of us, but if we were wrestlers we could express our fury."

Somewhere in a suburb of La Paz there is a husband that's wearing a frying pan right now, I'm sure of it.

Do You Think He'll Pitch Enzyte Behind Bars?

Remember Smilin' Bob, the spokesperson for the 'male enhancement' drug Enzyte?

Of course you do:


Apparently his "smilin'" days are over. Steven Washak, the CEO of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, was just convicted of conspiracy and other charges related to selling bogus products.

Among the company's most egregious offenses, Berkeley's "if you're not satisfied, return it for a full refund" required a Notarized statement from a doctor certifying that the consumer had a small penis.

Remarkably, few buyers availed themselves of the cashback offer.