SCREW EUPHEMISM

I know I'm guilty. Guilty as any and more than most: after all, I teach people how to speak within euphemisms.

Generally, this doesn't bother me.

But tonight, I was watching the news and saw a modern mother describing her teen-age son (Ari, who seemed like a decent sort underneath it all) and his descent into alcoholism as 'a process'. And, of course, she was engaged in her own process of learning and exploration of his process.

Then, a nattering 'expert' appeared, telling me that it can be hard to distinguish 'normal teen-age exploration' from 'poor lifestyle choices'.

I have a problem with this.

No, actually I don't have a problem with this. Actually, I want to puke.

Yes, it literally makes me want to vomit.

I'm sorry, but 'fucking up your life' is 'fucking up your life', regardless of the words used to describe it. And maybe - just maybe - if somebody had told young Ari that he was fucking up his life a little bit earlier, he might have listened.

Or maybe not.

But sugar-coating things, divorcing reality from truth, doesn't help anybody. Certainly not Ari, who's busy making his poor lifestyle choices.

And the worst part is that I'm going to go to work on Monday, adjust my collar, and slide back into double-speak.

Am I talking about Ari? Or me? You make the call.

He Must Have Wanted to Preserve Anonymity

In an article discussing Ian Paisley's recent decision to join in a power-sharing agreement in Northern Ireland, one interviewee questioned the reverand's motives. He was only named as

an 83-year-old Protestant unionist voter, who wished to be identified only by his first name, Gordon, and who said he had known Mr. Paisley since they attended Ballymena Model School in the 1930s

I'm sure Gordon sleeps much more soundly knowing that fanatics can't track him down. Well, as soundly as any 83-year-old sleeps, anyway.

Well At Least They're Admitting It Now

Why is union membership down?

"It is very difficult for the unions to get a foothold where there is not a need," said Brian Burton, vice president of the Indiana Manufacturers Association, which represents some 1,500 companies in the state. Burton said workers there are able to get nonunion jobs with good pay and benefits.

In the same article, Robert Shaffer president of the Mississippi AFL-CIO said:

"If they [Toyota] treat the people good and don't screw 'em around, it will probably be hard to organize them," Shaffer said.

Relevancy concern? Naw; unions are at least as relevant as the Moral Majority and the Christian Coalition.

Harry Potter Has a Thing For Horses

Yes, that's right folks. Harry Potter wants to get to know horses in the biblical sense.

Well, sort of. You see, it's not Harry Potter but the actor who plays him, Daniel Radcliffe. And he doesn't have a thing for horses, per se, but he is starring in an English stage production of Equus, which a BBC article describes as about "troubled stableboy Alan Strang, who has an erotic relationship with his horses."

This concerns me.

No, it's not what you're thinking. I don't have a problem with a guy interested in ladies of the equine persuasion; I mean, it's not for me but as long as the horse isn't being harmed - whatever floats your boat, I say.

No, it's the relationship aspect that bothers me. I could understand fetish, fixation or even sexual obsession - I guess. But I don't understand how someone can get involved in an erotic relationship with a pony, unless it's got a thing for him too.

I suppose I should see the play.

. . .

Do you think they share a carrot afterward?