More Views from a Highway

Bluehair: An elderly person, generally female, who is characterized by an ignorance of and indifference to the outside world. These ladies are going where they're going and you'd better get out of the way.

Bluehairs come in two exciting flavors: Half-Speed Biddy and Lead Foot the Iron Grandma. Half-Speed does everything sloooowly: everything from changing lanes, turning off or going the speed limit. The Biddy is superficially related to Farmer Joe but at least Farmer Joe won't turn directly in front of an oncoming semi.

Then there's Lead Foot. The Iron Grandma also runs at a constant speed; unfortunately that means she also runs into things at a constant speed. Driving in the vicinity of these frightening females is like playing russian roulette by rolling two dice to see how many times you're going to be pulling the trigger.

Bagos & Trailers: The red-headed stepchildren of the driving world. They combine the unwieldy size and speed of Semis with the sheer stupidity of the residential driver. They have a God-given right to pass anything on the road even ... if ... they're ... dammit ... only ... going ... a fraction ... of a ... freaking ... mile per hour ... faster.

Cellphone Yuppie: Close relatives include the 'Hair & Makeup Yuppie', the 'Fiddling with Car Audio Yuppie' and the 'Arguing with Passengers Yuppie'. What is the common thread here? In all cases, the Yuppie is self-aborbed and are willing to take their eyes off the common health & welfare (read: MY health and welfare) to concentrate on their own stuff. Screw these Yuppies, screw them!

Beer-Can Chuck: Chuckie will throw anything from his car window. Cigarettes, beverage containers, children & small animals - whatever. It doesn't matter. The point isn't that they're littering; it's that they're doing something personally convenient.

Mad Max: Thankfully a rare subtype. Related to the Lane Hopper, but harder to spot and more dangerous to boot. Mad Max drives sedately, within a few miles of the speed limit and doesn't even change lanes unless there's a need; a very safe driver. That is, until he's cut off by a Lane Hopper or Bluehair. It then becomes an affir d'honneur. Max will drive dozens, hell hundreds, of miles out of his way to get even with the offender. You have made him less of a man! You will pay!